It was a conversation a long time in coming. Neither one of us was willing or able for a long, long time. We cling to comfort and we cling to our memories. We cling to hope.
We build fortresses from minutia. We cling to the day by day. We cling to hope.
But some things are unstoppable, and the time eventually came.
So here we are. Finished with this leg of the journey. Finished.
Finished with this marriage. This partnership which has been the bedrock of our day to day for so many years.
I was scared. And sick. I could barely get the words out, and his ears could barely hear them.
There was a flash of rage because know what you may you must always rage; there is no escape, and no-one leaves without paying the price.
And after the flash there was calm. And tears. And laughter. And tears again. Laughter.
How do we do this? How do we walk away from this fortress of minutia? How do you walk away from every hour of every day for years and years?
Together it seems. We are so lucky to be able to do that. To walk away together.
“We are not losing a marriage, we are saving a friendship”, he said.
“No-one can say we didn’t try. We’ve been trying for years”, he said.
And then he made tea. And he made me laugh.
But know what you may, when you get to the end you mourn as if it were still the beginning.
You mourn the end as if it were the beginning.
You know where I live if you need a refuge from the storm. I had no idea....
Posted by: Michelle on October 13, 2002 08:05 AMI recently went through something likw what I think you're going through...thank you for sharing, and it's so nice to know I'm not alone...
Posted by: Colleen Tjie on October 14, 2002 09:12 PMOh my god, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. This must be so hard.
Posted by: Amy on October 15, 2002 08:51 PMHang in there, Sasha. I hope everything works out for both of you, whatever that means for you guys.
Posted by: Beth on October 17, 2002 02:40 AM